A list of classic pick=-up lines =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I'll suck you so hard that you'll have to pick the sheets out of your ass when I'm finished. That dress would look awfully nice on the floor next to my bed... Do you want to see something swell? Hey babe....do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi? Drop 'em. What do you like for breakfast? Is that a double ended dildo or are you just glad to see me? Is that a tic-tac in your pocket or are you just glad to see me? Hi there! I'm interested in having breakfast with you. Can I call you or nudge you? Excuse me. Do you wanna fuck or should I apologize? Irish : Have you got a little Irish in you? She: Uh...no.... Irish: Well, do you want some? Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you? Say, didn't we go to different schools together? Wanna fuck like bunnies? Why don't you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up. I had a friend who used to hand out calling cards which said: Smile if you want to sleep with me. Then watch the victim try to hold back her smile... Hi, my name's Ron, how do you like me so far? Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us. ------------------------------------------------------------ I had a friend give a card that had on the front: 1 2 3 4 Pick a number And then on the back of the card it read: Sex maniacs always pick 3 You wouldn't believe how many women pick 3. It was a great card. ------------------------------------------------------------ You smell wet. Let's Party. Pardon me miss, but I help noticing that you have cum in your hair. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money? Would you like to dance, or should I go fuck myself again? Hey baby, let's go make some babies. At the office copy machine: Reproducing eh? Can I help? Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you prefer Scotch and sofa? ------------------------------------------------------------ From: MAD Magazine: Classic Flops Spring 1986. 9 Very Unsuccessful Pick=-up Lines: =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= 1. "Would you like to see my boa constrictor?" 2. "Is that a false nose?" 3. "You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno." 4. "I'm drunk." 5. "Hi, my friends call me Creepy." 6. "Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed?" 7. "I just threw up." 8. "You're ugly but you intrigue me." 9. "I had to find out what kind of woman would go out dressed like that." ------------------------------------------------------------ Gee, you don't sweat much for a fat chick. You look more beautiful than Nurse Chapel. Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in? I think we must make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW! Walk over to a table occupied by ladies, whip out your `pud' and say: Hey charlie, see anyone here you recognize? I require a tissue sample. May I sever a little-used portion of your body? (brandish forceps) Hey, wanna see my R2-D2 impersonation? (Think about it...) Hey baby...infect me! Hey baby...can you suck the chrome off a bumper?!? Hey baby...can you suck the chrome off a trailer hitch? Hey baby...can you suck a golf ball thru 50 feet of garden hose? Hey baby...can you suck start a Harley? Motion your finger to a girl to get her to come your way. When she arrives say, "I knew if I fingered you long enough you would cum." Hey babe, how about a pizza and a fuck? What's the matter, don't like pizza? I saw you at the party last weekend and you look kind of interesting... Let's meet sometime... I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good. ------------------------------------------------------------ The front reads: +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ |No Phone No Business| | | | | | | | | | | | No Name | | | | | | | | | |No Address No Money| +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ And the back reads: +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | I'M A SILENT SEDUCER | | | |Any chance to crawl in the sack with| |you tonight? | |If so, just keep the card: If not, | |kindly return it because they are | |expensive. | | | |I'm not as good as I once was. | |But I'm good once as I ever was! | | | |P.S. You don't have to say yes | | Just Smile!| +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ ------------------------------------------------------------ She (to passing man): Excuse me, do you have the time? He: Do you have the energy? What is your favorite position on extramarital sex? Hey babe, Wanna get LUCKY!!!!!! "Say mother! Want another?" (if she has children) Suck my dick or I'll blow your fucking head off. [requires a gun] No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks? Will you marry me and have my children? [unfortunate side=-effects: beware!] If you ever want to see your children again, you'll do what I want. You're hitchhiking across the Mojave Desert? Alone? I'm really sorry about Al. It was a lovely funeral. You look ravishing in black, did you know that? What you need now is a nice backrub. Are the straps too tight, darling? How tragic. How very, very tragic. Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart. Bond. James Bond. Stand back, I'm a doctor. You go get an ambulance, I'll loosen her clothes. It's absolutely pure Bolivian. And I don't *give* it away. Nothing I can say will ease of the loss of your daughter, but rest assured that the Morgenstern Funeral Home will do everything possible to bring you peace of mind in this harrowing time. Hello, Susie. Your mom couldn't make it this afternoon, she asked me to pick you up and take you home. My, what a pretty dress. You know, I'd really love to fuck your brains out, but it appears someone beat me to it. Excuse me, do you live around here often? Excuse me, I'm a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared a cab home together? Would you like to see a baby picture of me? (Shows the girl the picture of a baby better endowed than most men.) Hello, Love, - Do you spit or swallow? You look like the type of girl who has heard every line in the book... So what's one more?? Hey babe -- did you know I'm on the Harvard Mailing List? Your place, or mine? What's your sign? Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?